Sarah Ferguson steals the show in a lacy black gown as she attends the European Diversity Awards in London Taylor Swift is haunted by a past love as actors Sadie Sink and Dylan O'Brien recreate the palpable heartbreak in singer's directorial debut film All Too Well Rocco Ritchie shows off his signature style in a plaid suit and tie as he parties until the early hours on night out in London Lottie Moss leaves little to the imagination in a VERY revealing optical illusion mini dress as she enjoys a night out with pals 'Grey, gay and fabulous!
Here for it! BBC star Naga Munchetty shows off her cleavage in a deeply plunging black gown at Ethnicity Awards TOWIE's Amber Turner showcases her ample assets in a white mini dress as she joins Georgia Steel to celebrate the launch of her Envy shoe range 'She began struggling with depression and anxiety at a young age': Lady Gaga's mum Cynthia details the star's bullying hell during her teen years Shannen Doherty dons classic Tupac Shakur t-shirt while out shopping with her mother Rosa in Malibu as she continues to bravely battle breast cancer Kim Kardashian has a VERY glam gas station moment as she swings by mini mart in her Rick Owens gown following pal Paris Hilton's lavish wedding Chris Daughtry postpones upcoming tour dates in wake of stepdaughter Hannah's sudden passing at the age of 25 Alicia Silverstone makes hilarious Clueless after learning co-star Paul Rudd was named People's Sexiest Man Alive Olivia Munn's renovations complete after worker 'fell from roof' and died from injuries Veteran presenter 'is tipped to replace Simon McCoy' as part of a lucrative deal 'I live in fear': Melissa Rivers shares her concerns over her year-old son's mental health after losing her father to suicide Joe Rogan claims he could perform oral sex on himself 'if I wanted to' because he is 'super flexible' Charlotte has a new face!
Demi Lovato and Paula Abdul pose up a storm at Paris Hilton and Carter Reum's star-studded wedding 'It was a terrifying experience': La La Anthony reveals she underwent emergency surgery to fix a heart condition Jonathan Ross' daughter Honey Kinny, 24, dons a fluffy green trench coat while Myleene Klass wows in a black floral dress as they attend Matilda's 10th anniversary show Taylor Swift jokes around with comedian Bowen Yang and actor Jonathan Majors during first promo for her appearance on Saturday Night Live Nina Agdal and Jack Brinkley-Cook split!
The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model and Christie Brinkley's son break up after over four years of dating Alex Scott stuns in a chic blazer and skirt combo as she joins dazzling Fleur East in leading the stars on the red carpet at the Ethnicity Awards 'It was exhausting trying to keep going:' Adele reveals adjusting to her divorce and being a single parent was a 'process' in CBS special with Oprah Paul Walker's daughter Meadow, 23, reveals she had tumor removed as she posts two-year-old photo of herself undergoing medical procedure Taylor Swift's fans think Jennifer Aniston is the 'actress' mentioned in new minute version of her 'Jake Gyllenhaal break-up track' All Too Well How DID Katie Price fly to the US with a drink drive conviction hanging over her?
American immigration lawyers say they 'mystified' as to how she got a visa 'Lord knows I needed that one this week! Nicole Richie proves her bitter feud with Paris Hilton is WAY behind her as she is seen at the heiress' splashy wedding Little Mix release new single titled No and sassy music video which sees them in tracksuits before transforming into glam housewives 'The kids were stressing out! Kathy Hilton is the life of the party as she joins forces with Paula Abdul for a duet at Paris Hilton's star-studded wedding 'Tis the season!
Zara Tindall cuts an elegant figure in a navy double-breasted coat as she attends the November Meeting at Cheltenham racecourse 'I met my last boyfriend online!
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Sloppy grammar on social media could sound the death knell for some forms of Moment a female soldier from the Household Cavalry face-plants into the street after fainting as Remembrance Boris shows off his personalised phone cover appearing to show Dilyn and Wilfred as he welcomes veterans to In absence of Her Majesty, our sprightly war heroes led the way: Without the familiar sight of the Queen on Dunkirk's deadly New Jungle: Images reveal the squalid, rubbish-strewn shanty camp where migrants wait to Almost 10, are hospitalised with stab wounds in London in just nine years it emerges as another victim ISIS fanatics 'try to firebomb' Shamima Begum's tent after she 'angered wives' by wearing make-up and University student is left battered and bloodied after being attacked by two female thugs who punched and Ghislaine Maxwell 'set up powerful men with women they'd like': Prosecutors in sex trafficking case plan to Lookalikes put world off scent: Ghislaine Maxwell was the most hunted woman on the planet and hiding out in British special forces are put on alert to be deployed to Ukraine as size of Red Army on border swells to Head of armed forces Nick Carter warns that Belarus conflict could escalate to war and 'weaponised' migrants Makeup Skincare Hair.
What's on TV What to Watch. Empowerment Good News Horoscopes. Jessica Alba reveals her secret to glowing skin but it won't be around for long. Celebrity kids going back to school! India Go back. Whether we are of the age to make a stab at conforming to the ideal or have reached the age of invisibility, the main purpose seems to be to keep us on the back foot and impede us in every possible way from advancement.
I think what is being discussed is the problem of women struggling to articulate what is a personal experience of a political issue feeling lost in the process of ageing in a patriarchal culture. This effacing of the personal and its ability to draw out the political reproduces patriarchal logic which priviledges certain kinds of communication at the expense of others…the point was to get people discussing the political experienced as personal.
It may have actually have been weight, but the doctor never seemed to be willing to rule anything out so they never really knew. There was one time I had to go to another doctor, because she was on hols, for the morning-after pill and this doctor tried to sell me stomach banding surgery.
It was a very wtf?!? Thanks for this post, fuckpoliteness. It is great to see that discussions about the personal are viewed as useful and necessary tools for political and social change thanks also to Theriomoroph for her wonderful contribution to the issue! It really brings light the fact that gendered embodiment is not something that we can will away.
The linking of the personal to the political has been an important and somewhat revolutionary tool for change. Anyway, thanks again! Laura 69, I believe I pointed out the particular aspects I had a problem with…you knew what I meant and deliberately misconstrued my point in order to play dumb about what I was saying to refuse to engage, which is extremely unbecoming, and spectacularly unfair.
You are awesome but not even you would be in the midst of two Ph. If anyone misconstrued rhetorical questions as heartfelt pleas for advice I trust that has been cleared up by now and we can get on with discussing the heart of the matter. Dissent is not the same as personal advice after all. I doubt that there are very many people who can say that they have never experienced those sensations, even in the midst of overall self-acceptance, and even at quite mature ages.
Not only that but since invisibility is expected of me at 41, my resistance is somewhat ineffectual as it is for all women at all ages in different ways even Jessica Alba cannot live up to Jessica Alba as FP pointed out. Making myself garish and impossible to miss might in actual fact be a more radical act. That I think is one of the sources of fat-hate — it is an infringement against invisibility to be so unequivocally present.
Other forms of resistance can be easily coopted by commercial forces — deviant dress can be assimilated by fashion as can deviant hair styles. Even the very close cropped heads of older women that I see quite frequently have begun to seem quite staid.
Why thinness and why now? Thinness is the closest point to invisibility and it is also inherently vulnerable.
Tigtog at 67 says to me that certain sorts of comments are disturbing to her. The problem is that the comments I made were about my own experience different from hers, clearly and have no implied extension to hers. No, though possibly for snideness after refusing to actually engage with the actual objections raised.
Unless, of course, my experience of never hearing this is not relevant. Exactly-said, su. Also enjoying kidding around with young guys at work without having to worry about my own looks, or developing crushes on them, or whatevs. Never by me. I have nothing but admiration for your sewing skills and also for the other efforts you make that go against the consumerist beauty culture.
On a careful read of all my previous comments, I cannot see anywhere where I have either denigrated or denied your experience or efforts, but my writing must have lacked clarity if that is the message that you received, and I apologise for any distress caused. Something we avoid does not impinge upon us. Now, by saying that it is impossible for you to avoid the message, I am not rejecting your claims about your countercultural practices. This is what I found most politically disturbing — avoidance means no challenge: certainly no challenge taking place from the avoider to the avoided, but also carrying an implication that making no challenge means that no challenge is required.
The dominant consumerist beauty culture paradigm needs challenging, not just avoiding, and that challenge takes hard internal work as you elsewhere seemed to acknowledge. The wording you chose appeared to diminish both the effort and the challenge required, and that is what I found disturbing.
Laura our exchanges end up terse. I had just expended energy telling you what my problem was, and you sailed right past that with a comment deliberately designed to misconstrue what was said. You knew the meaning. As to the libel claim take it easy on the caps there I am referring to your own comment at 66, bottom para. You seem to want to universalize my language. It appeared at 66 that you were saying that differences of opinions had been interpreted as personal criticisms. Feel free to like, love or loathe my post.
I know all my friends have been through it. So perhaps it is a class difference, a location difference, or sheer dumb luck? But it is the experience of many again not all women. My son and I were discussing this. It is profoundly depersonalising, and even a woman who conforms kind of disappears behind her beauty.
That is why see a continuum between how conforming and non conforming women are treated under this myth — younger, conforming women are served their derpersonalisation with a side of harassment, objectification and bullying, other women are depersonalised and ignored invisibility or depersonalised and bullied depending on how much of an affront their appearance is to the ideal and how visible they are.
How can that be after our interactions over several years? It is profoundly depersonalising. What is considered beautiful can be quite generic.
Those eyes! And then there is the example above by Rachel? I had a strange experience last year arond diet and weight loss. I was doing some research about apprentice jockeys. Because jockeys need to be very light, they were obsessed with diet and weight loss.
It was unsettled to be surrounded by young men who talked constantly about dieting, swpped diet tips, worried about every calorie, weighed themselves every day and basically starved themselves to conform to a necessary weight.
As one said to me. They limit their water consumption as that will add a few grams. They also constantly smoke to take their minds off food. Interestingly enough, the young women are far more relaxed about it because they tend to be naturally lighter. It was a bit of reversal of sex roles that I found fascinating. At the age of thirty, I have been fortunate in the last few years to be employed in a workplace that positively endorses competence and capability much more than it does being a pretty girly-wirly.
I often have to spend long hours on my feet, scramble around in a not-very-clean warehouse, and assist with lifting heavy items. However, going through the job interview process has meant I have felt a lot of pressure to play the patriarchal game where my appearance is concerned. I cannot believe I had forgotten how incredibly constricting and uncomfortable it is to present myself in a way that is considered acceptable for women working in a heavily corporate environment.
Fine That is fascinating, and it makes me wonder about the way that younger men are now being encouraged to participate in more elaborate and costly beauty rituals — more hair product, more expensive hair styles, skin care products, special day-spa packages. It probably is driven by consumerism as Laura and Tigtog pointed out but I wonder if there are other drivers and what the effect will be in political terms.
In one way it could help to further blurr gendered distinctions and disrupt the easy associations people make between sex and gender and sexual orientation and personal appearance, however consumer culture tends not to allow too much disrupting, continually assimilating those attempts into new product sets for people to consume. Yeah, wow…I want to roll out of bed, into jeans and sneakers and wander to work.
But in a law firm there are very real pressures. We work in a glassed in office that the public sees into. I often feel pressured into taking 45 minutes to do hair and makeup. I also wore heels for the first few months until I realised that it was making my legs cramp every time I went to have sex. Bugger that! But yes, I feel the pressure to still. Bodies are not tidy objects! Oh well. KM, interviewing is a great horror.
So right on. So chilling. Hear you on that one, FP. There was a teacher at my sons school who was a lesbian, and quite honestly I thought she was gorgeous, fiesty, loud, short hair, fabulous…and there were dark mutterings about her teaching ability we live in quite a wealthy and conservative area, we stick out like sore thumbs that I often thought were linked more to who she loved than how she taught…no one was ever bold enough to spell it out so I had to seethe in silence but I could feel it.
It feels as though women are seen as being there to be easy on the eyes, and easy to be around, smiling and accomodating.
Generic beauty seems like the visual equivalent of easy listening. To be clear I am not saying that women who engage in decorating themselves are displaying submissiveness or are more submissiveness in any way.
Women are entitled to take their space within a patriarchal system in whatever ways they feel is them, is useful, is helpful. But it feels like that is what is being required of women by a system that tells us that to perform our gender well we need to wear heels, buy expensive shoes, clothes, accessories, cosmetics, jewellery, and other beauty procedures like waxing.
It really bothered me that their economic resources were so summarily diverted into decorating themselves, rather than establishing themselves as independent, capable, self-sufficient individuals.
Purrdence I hope your tag in some way refers to the presence of cats in your life — because cats are awesome! What do parents like this say to their kids at home?
And why should it even matter? I could go around in circles for days about this…. Subsumed by the need to succeed in the one activity we are told from birth will give our lives meaning i. Like the jockeys, no time of the day or part of our lives is immune from this self-policing. It does seem that the only escape is to reject the imperative that we strive to be jockeys..
But how, HOW?? Well this made me give myself away at work with the telltale laugh obviously not connected with my files: It does seem that the only escape is to reject the imperative that we strive to be jockeys.. Jewellery is very portable personal wealth.
How might it be redeemed from the history of victimhood? Let it blaze! For we have done with this education!
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